I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize