My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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