What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
