forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
