Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
