He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
