My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
