did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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