Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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