Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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