Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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