Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
