Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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