You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
