Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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