dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
