Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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