cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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