Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
