I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
