I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
