Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize