i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
