I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
