Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
