I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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