so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
