dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
