i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
