apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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