No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
