We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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