i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
