Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
did you just send me my own nude
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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