she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize