so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
