today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
