with your own penis?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
