After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
