So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
