Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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