people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
