Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
