What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
