a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
