I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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