broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
