I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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