my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
