Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
