She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
