My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
