at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize