Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
