im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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