The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
