That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
