I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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