There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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