I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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