The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
