Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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