Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize