My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
