There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to be your penis for a week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
