Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
